Saying no, setting boundaries, and valuing my work: 4 things I wish I knew before I started my business

🔓 And how letting go of resentment unlocks abundance...

I like to work. It’s not a means of survival for me – it’s a means of fun. Being self-employed has never been scary to me, because I’ve never been looking for work – I’ve mostly been fielding too much work. I am someone who accidentally ends up in a business brainstorm with everyone I talk to – even on Sundays. And usually, that leads to a “Can you help me?” “My sister has a business and needs you,” or “You have to meet so-and-so.”

Getting clients is embedded in my life because I end up leading with work and giving people good ideas in everyday conversation. So when you ask me how to get clients, my best advice is to tell everyone what you do – and even better, show how you think and solve problems in organic conversations. This method (albeit unconscious) has kept me steadily working since I started doing freelance creative work in 2012.

My current work setup — as I edit this post

I know, I know – good for me… But this way of being comes with its own set of challenges around boundaries, burnout, and business best practices, like:

1. I never took the time to define what I wanted to do or what my services were, so because I could do a lot, I ended up doing everything.

2. I did a lot of discounted work for friends, favors, and just for fun, instead of setting and prioritizing revenue goals.

3. I was a people-pleaser and said yes to things I didn’t want to do because I felt bad saying no.

4. I didn’t ask for equity or profit sharing in businesses I built, and I carried resentment because of it.

If you relate to any of the above, I beyond feel your frustration — but all we can do is learn from the past and make more intentional choices now. So here are 4 things I wish I had done before I started my business.

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Define your services & position yourself to get the work you want

Being a yes-man is both a blessing and a curse. Early on, saying yes helped me work nonstop, figure out what I liked, build relationships, make money, and gain confidence. But it also made it hard to understand or express my value.

Eventually, I had to reposition myself, show up differently, and learn to say no. The real shift came when I stopped calling myself a graphic designer and started leading with strategy. Strategy was always baked into my design work, but I wasn’t paid for it until I made it my focus. Changing my lead skill boosted my perceived value to clients, raised my rates and income, and broadened my services beyond brand strategy—into the business and marketing realms, where I work most now.

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80/20 Rule: 80% clients that pay the bills, 20% friends, fun & favors

It is so wonderful to share your talents with friends and use what God gave you to improve the lives and businesses of other people. Just make sure you put on your oxygen mask first by setting revenue goals and giving 80% of your time to those—and what’s left over to friends/favors/fun. If you allocate your time in reverse, you’ll resent your friends because you’re not taking care of your financial needs first.

Trades:
Make sure you’re on the same page when trading with people. Usually, one person is getting the better end of the deal unless you outline the exchange upfront. Sometimes it’s even better to exchange cash, even if it goes back and forth.

Discounts:
Be clear that you’re doing discounted work because you want to help, but your client rate is higher. There have been times when I viewed things as a favor, and others saw it as highly professional—and the vibes went south. So, be proactive about communication and expectations.

A cozy work zone — I am not a desk girl.

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Don’t say yes to work you don’t want to do

Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you have to do it or that it’s aligned for you to do it. Ask yourself these questions before saying yes:

• Am I being paid a rate that makes me feel good?

• Does the work light me up?

• Am I having to make any compromises to do this (time/resources)?

• Will this project add value to my resume?

• Will this project lead to more work or referrals?

• Is there pressure or a time crunch that will make me feel stressed?

There were many times I started a project with anxiety or a pit in my stomach. If you feel this way, that means you don’t want to do it! In the simplest terms, bad feelings = not for you. Being even a tiny bit conscious and asking myself the questions above would have saved me a lot of energy and awkward client breakup convos.

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Proactively understand your value & impact potential

This one’s tough for consultants—projects can turn into long-term roles where you become key to the business’s growth, and suddenly you’re wondering why you didn’t negotiate a better deal upfront. But how would you have known? Only now do I feel confident enough in my ability to deliver results that I’ve started bringing equity and profit sharing into proposal talks. I’ll keep you posted on that.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that resentment is one of the biggest blocks to abundance. Doing the work to forgive, drop the victim mindset, and see everything as a stepping stone to your highest good makes all the difference. The year before I tripled my income, I let go of deep resentment toward someone who had undervalued me. I realized the universe—not any one person—is my true source of abundance, and I was holding myself back by waiting for them to compensate me as I deserved.

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Your homework

Implement at least one (or all four :) of the things above! Especially taking inventory of, sitting with, and releasing any old resentments. I promise it will unlock big things for you!

My new favorite matcha cup :)

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★ Thanks for reading :) I’m here to help you on your self-employed journey. To start making money, grab my e-course How to Go Freelance or book a 1:1 Office Hours session where we can dig into your dreams and goals. Follow me on TikTok, Instagram, and shop my WFH Essentials here.